Ever since getting engaged I have had multiple revelations.
Now, this final revelation is not true if you are already perfect. Either physically perfect or mentally perfect, since then you don’t freak out about cultural norms that make no sense, like having to lose a trillion pounds for an event because every attendee will be “looking” at you, as if they haven’t “seen” you before. Also if you’re really good at portion control or don’t crave biscuits and gravy then you are probably both physically AND mentally perfect.
But I digress. I’m writing this because I think we all know that as women, we are sort of on a perpetual, eternal diet. Or not on one. But then we’re back on one. And let me scream this so you understand. A CLEANSE IS A DIET. A FAST IS A DIET. A DETOX IS A DIET. I bet you think I’m not talking about you or you don’t count because you only do Blueprint Cleanse, but I am most definitely talking about you. All of you. All of us.
Here is the list of foods that I have been told by nutritionists, doctors, naturopaths, and other “experts” to avoid as much as possible:
- All processed foods
- Soda & Carbonated beverages
- Diet Soda
- All grains
- White Sugar
- Any Sugar
- Sugar substitutes
- Really just all fruit
- Other nuts unless I have time to soak them
- Beans unless I have time to soak them
- Caffeine in general
- Sweet veggies like squash, carrots, sweet potatoes, peas, and beets
- Black pepper
- All condiments
- Spicy food
- Cooked food in general
- Solid food in general
- Things that taste good in general
I can hear the protests now. You think your gluten-dairy-meat-nut-grain-sugar-caffeine-sex-free diet is the answer. Tell me you don’t binge drink on the weekends. Tell me you’re super calm and happy. Tell me you feel it’s really, truly worth it. I have yet to meet someone on an impossible diet who can.
What’s especially crazy is that when you cut back on anything, it works. That is how every single diet works. If starting tomorrow you cut out half of your food options, you’d lose weight. It’s not innovative, it’s totally obvious. You could decide to only eat 500 calories a day and they could be from a combination of fries, broccoli, and coffee, and you would lose weight and feel better. I don’t think that deserves a new book called “The FBC Diet” do you? And just like with all the others, the day you’d go to brunch with a friend you’d be bloated and back to the start.
That’s what I’ve done my whole life, over and over. Even post-nutrition school. Insane “cleanses” (daily enemas anyone?), raw foods, vegan foods, paleo foods. All for brief, stressful periods of time. And then there’s always a night with Steve’s Ice Cream that makes me feel horrible and start all over. But I think every single human should get to have Steve’s Ice Cream, and I for sure don’t think we should have to feel guilty about it. In fact, we should feel so so grateful for all of the wonderful foods that are available to us. Even after years of being in the wellness biz, don’t think that I have the answer to this problem. I really don’t. And I feel like most nutritionists or health coaches don’t either, otherwise no one would really need us anymore. I’m just saying creating all these scary lists of things is definitely not the answer. I’m for sure still on a wedding diet. I will for sure scarf down some serious BBQ at our wedding (and um, hello, our honeymoon is in Paris). And then I might start this vicious paranoia all over again. But lordie I am trying to be better about this. I figured by writing a post about it we can all try to be better together. At the very least, I really believe we all need to start calling bullshit on the zillions of constraints that really keep women from being happy. I mean this is only one of them, but it sure is a whopper.
Our intern Maddie is the bomb. And she’s in high school. If I was cool in high school… I have no idea what would have happened because I wasn’t. Anyways, on TOP of being awesome, she has the most gorgeous hair. Here’s proof:
Told you. So she’s going to start blogging some tips for those of us who are super dumb about our hair, like me. Here’s her first set!
We all know it’s bad to use heat…. but if you absolutely need to blow dry, straighten, curl your hair, always remember these tips:
Heat aids (anti frizz serums, heat block, etc) won’t save your hair from the damage, instead choose to minimize heat time by letting your hair dry as long as possible before heat exposure–especially vital with straightening, NEVER straighten wet hair.
Point the blow dryer down, towards your scalp, rather than towards the ends. This way the heat is in contact with newer, stronger hair.
Always, always, use the cool button on your blow dryer towards the end- it will close up any split ends, adding more sleek and shine.
Avoid using a curler- instead, braid/bun your wet hair and let it air dry a few hours later. (Looks more natural this way, too!)
Ultimately, products just add grease and weight to your hair, keep it simple and start learning what works for YOUR hair.
Oh.my.god. Vintage sprout you guys (our first ever packaging—all hand drawn). Gross/cute/weird.